A Key to Ziva's Past
by CarodePablo
Summary: Set after "Gone". Tony really wants to know what Ziva has been through when she was younger and it results in some unexpected feelings when he confronts her. Will Ziva be able to move on and will she give Tony the key to her past? ONLY TIVA!
1. Chapter 1

**Well well well I tried... ) English is not my native language so there are probably some grammar mistakes, wrong idioms etc. etc. **

**This fic takes place after "Gone" and it's what I think, no wish, happened.**

**I do NOT own NCIS, sadly**

**Enjoy! :D**

Shmeil had just left the restaurant because he was tired after the flight and he had to get up early in the morning. Tony and Ziva were still sitting at the table in the cozy and gradually very quiet restaurant, and after Schmeil's departure they hadn't stopped looking at each other, though after a couple of minutes it went a bit awkward. Tony was the first to break the silence.

"_So Shmeil? He is nice. It's easy to see that he means the world to you._

"_Yes Tony. He is like the grandfather I have never had. He was there when my life was not easy and he was and is a great support in my life." _

Tony didn't know if he should get down that road but on the other hand he had this hunger after knowing all of her deep feelings so he could protect her and be there for her.

"_Ziva, what have you been through? I understand if you don't want to answer me, but I only want to help and have your trust as much as Shmeil has"._

At first it looked like Ziva was either going to run or strangle him right there or maybe both. Just as he was about to apologize, her eyes started to soften.

"_I trust you Tony, I trust you more than I trust my self sometimes, which says a lot. You are the one I want to be with when I need to relax, laugh and of course I like to talk with you about more private stuff. It is just that Shmeil has always been a part of my life, as far as I remember back, and he just understands me in a way that is different to whom who have only known me as an adult. I have changed Tony and you know that, but I was also different before I met you and that can be hard to explain to some one who did not know me since I was 3" _

"_So you don't want to tell me what you have been through when you were a kid and a teenager?" _Tony asked almost as a whisper because he couldn't quite figure out if she just wanted to keep that part of her life locked behind bars. Besides not from Shmeil who had the key of course... He could only try to reach it... Or maybe she simple couldn't tell him yet because it hurts too much.

She didn't know what to answer because she really wanted to tell him everything but her logic screamed ***NO***, he wouldn't be able to handle it and it would ruin the "post-elevator-them" which she was started to enjoy very much.

"_Well Tony, you have been listening all night about how I tried to escape from the compulsory bath and how much I screamed when my father caught me. And I should not forget the story about when I was 6 and could look at my father's knife collection for hours."_ She tried to smile her greatest and flirtatious smile so he would drop the subject.

"_It seams like that you always have been stubborn and turned on by knives" _he made a little smile, the one, only Tony could make_. "Ziva, please answer me straight this time, even though I loved to hear how rebel and possible very adorable you were, now I just need you to be honest with me"_

Ziva just kept looking at him as she was a little lost girl who needed a hug and after a few long seconds she answered, though it wasn't what he had expected.

"_I want to tell you everything Tony, I do. But now is neither the place nor the time because if I open this book I think I will break. I have not looked at all the death, war, terror and all that I have done to people, I have just buried it deep down, very deep down. I feel like I am a cup of tea and every time something terrible or very emotional happen to me it gets more tea in it... And one day it will reach the top and overflow."_

Her eyes were wet and tears ran down her cheeks, silencely. Tony had never seen her so broken before, she just sat there, shaking a bit and cried in front of him. The next moment he stood up and walked the few feet to her chair. He didn't care if she wanted it or not, but he went down so they were almost the same height, he laid his arm around her shoulders so her head could be on his right shoulder for a warm hug. He was very happy that she didn't reject him but laid into the touch instead. When her crying started to be more like sniffing, he loosened the grip and looking in her wet and sad eyes, still touching each other, he said:

"_Do you want to get out of here?"_

She just nodded. He took her hand and squeezed it for a moment, and then he went for a waiter. After catching a waiter he went back to the table and Ziva, where they had to wait until the waiter came back with a bill to pay. Ziva's eyes were still read and glassy but she smiled at him, slightly, but it was definitly a smile.

"_Well I will like to show that I'm a much better person than my dad so this dinner is on me Ziva" _

When they finally were outside the restaurant, Ziva took Tony's hand and said

"_Thank you Tony, I'm so glad that I have you in my life. And one day, maybe soon, I will tell you what I have been through both before NCIS and... In Somalia... Because you have shared so much with me and I will like to return the favor. Not because I feel I have to, but because I really want to and I swear I have never felt this way, this kind of trust, with a person who is male and not has been there my whole life. Previously I was always afraid of leting people get to close because they always ended up dead, but now I have more faith, I think. _

She laughed shortly in a very sad way. Which made Tony try to swallow the familiar lump in his throat. He let go of her hand and instead laid it on her arm with eyes filled with sorrow and worry.

"_When you need to talk just knock on my door, no matter what time it is Miss Ziva David, just knock or maybe you should call first because my cell is on my bedside table and that's easier to hear, well anyway you know what I mean"_

"_Thank you Tony, It means a lot to me"_

"_I'm glad you want to tell me"_ Tony said with a bit hesitation. _"Actually me or anyone else, you have to talk with some one Ziva, you can't bury it forever or it will come back and hunt you. I don't want you to fall apart, I want you to live happily ever after with sweet kids and a very beautiful husband"_

Ziva smiled with a grateful smile and said _"Night Tony"_

"_Night Ziva" _

They started to walk away from each other. Tony with a very warm and good feeling in his stomach because this woman was indeed someone really special to him. It had happened gradually over the last couple of years that he had got butterflies in his stomach every time he spent time with her, especially now where she had shared so much with him. He couldn't wait to learn more and just be with her and hold her and comfort her and tell her that he loves her... Hey wait, what was that? Had he just admitted to himself that he indeed is in love with Ziva David aka the crazy ninja? Tony laughed for himself on the way home, because come on, hadn't he been in love with that girl since last year at least and hadn't they always had this explosive attraction to each other and hadn't he worried like hell when she had been in Somalia? It was just crazy because he hadn't realized it was so real until now.

**Thank you for reading! I hope it made sense :) **

**I have an idea for next chapter which will contain a talk between Tony and Ziva about Ziva's past and Somalia**


	2. Chapter 2

**I know it has been a while but I have been bussy with school, Christmas and then some writer's block... Now I'm back :)**

**Thanks to you who have read my fic, it means a lot. Please review btw! **

**The talk about Somalia and Ziva's past will be next chapter. This one is more about Tony and his apartment. Ziva will be there too, don't worry hehe ;D**

**I still don't own NCIS. Maybe in the next life...? **

Tony was happy that he and Ziva had acted normally around each other. He had feared it had turned awkward since Ziva had cried and it had been so emotionally in that restaurant. Luckily they had just been themselves at work, the usually flirting, he had picked at her and she had acted annoyed, it was great because Tony hated to see Ziva sad. He really wanted to be there for her if she needed it but he always got this damn knot in his stomach because he can't change her past.

Tony was thinking of this New Years Eve. Actually he was trying to watch a movie, drink a beer and celebrate 2013 welcome. After midnight his cell phone ringed and it was Ziva. "Speaking of the devil", he murmured to himself.

"_Happy New Year, Tony" _

"_Thanks and happy New Year to you too" _

It went silence on the other end and Tony couldn't figure out if she waited for him to speak or something was wrong.

"Hey Ziva, are you al right"

"_I'm fine. I have just realized that I'm alone and it's New Years Eve. It is kind of sad if you think about it."_

"_Well Ziva, you and me we are loners. Story of our lives" _

Tony heard Ziva chuckle but she went quickly serious again.

"_Actually it is not funny Tony. I just felt a sleep on my couch and then I dreamt that I'm going to be this angry old woman with lots of cats and I will hate every single people. The worst part is that I will shoot the people who harass me" _

Tony couldn't stop laughing because either she was drunk or going crazy. She was so serious it was hilarious. He hadn't thought about it before he asked her, but it still felt right:

"_Ziva you aren't going to be a crazy cat lady, believe me. Hey by the way you are alone tonight and I'm alone tonight, so why not do something together? You can come to my place, if you want? You are alone right?"_

This time it was Ziva's turn to laugh because Tony sounded like a teenager who had just asked a girl out for the first time. She almost felt sorry for him because apparently it must be hard for him to ask someone to come visit him at his apartment

"_Yes yes Tony I am alone but I'm a bit shocked that you have just asked me to come your place."_ She chuckled a bit before adding: "_I would very much like that. I'm on my way, see you in 10 minutes."_

When Ziva had hung up the realization hit Tony; ***Ziva was coming to see his apartment for the first time***. For many this wasn't a big deal but for Tony it was. After his mom's death he had been careful to let people in and see the real Tony because he was afraid of getting hurt. Wendy dumping him just before their wedding had done the trick, which caused that Tony always made sure to have the upper hand, especially when it came to girls or women. But one woman had seen through him without even been to his apartment, his home, and now this woman was coming in few minutes. In his sub consciousness he knew Ziva would accept his home, meaning him, because she already accepted him. Still Tony was a bit nervous and when he heard a knock on his door exactly 10 minutes after they had talked on the phone, his heart skipped a beat. He opened the door and as expected Ziva was standing there. She was wearing yogapants and a warm jacket. Her hair was curly, covered in snow and her cheeks were slight red from the cold outside, she looked so damn cute and all he wanted was to give her a hug.

Apparently he must have staring because she laughed when she said:

"_Tony you are googling" _

"_It's ogling and I don't do that"._ He said in an affected offensive tone and smiled his famous DiNozzo-smile. _"Well come on in and make yourself at home"_

Ziva did not know what to expect but she hadn't expected this, but when she saw his apartment she thought ***of course*** because it was so much Tony and really told which state in life he was in. It was really pretty and very classic, still she had this feeling of something missing, the lack of something homely.

"_Wow Tony, it's actually a clean apartment you live in"._ She pushed him slightly in his stomach with her elbow and smiled teasing. When she had said it she regretted it right away because Tony did not see the fun in her "joke", he looked hurt. She felt stupid because she knew how much this meant to him.

"_Sorry Tony I did not mean it that way... Though I would like to say that this was not what I had expected but it's beautiful. It's so you and it really shows who you are, from what I can see from here" _

She winked at him and took off her jacket. Tony was stunned because in front of him stood Ziva in a tight yellow t-shirt which made her look even more exotic; her yoga-pants perfectly formed her ass and with her curly hair down she looked like a million. She didn't even wear make-up this New Years night. When she had tossed her sneakers she walked into his apartment, she stopped by the goldfish.

"_I did not know you were a fish-person"?_

Tony went to stand beside her, looking down at Kate. _"Maybe I'm not but it's nice to have someone to talk to when you get home from work, you know._" She nodded and he added, _"Her name is Kate"._

"_Kate? __Like Kate, your former partner Kate"?_

Tony couldn't figure out if Ziva would think he was silly if he told the truth but on the other hand wasn't their post-elevator relationship about being honest with each other...?

"_Yeah I named her after Kate"..._ He was silent a couple of second before adding: _"Even though Kate and I just were co-workers, she still meant a lot to me because... Well because I saw her every single day... I wasn't always that nice to her, still she accepted me and I'm very grateful for that because Jesus I was a mouthful especially back then." _

Ziva looked Tony in the eyes and what she found there wasn't something she had expected. Even though it was harmless she still got a knot in her stomach because in some way she didn't want him to miss her. It was a selfish thought but she could help thinking that she thought he was satisfied with her as a partner, only her. She looked down when realization hit her; she was jealous of a dead person. Jealous? Why was she jealous? Well she knew why but she did not want to think about that right now.

"_You miss her"?_ Ziva said as whisper looking back in his eyes.

"_Yeah, well maybe I do, I don't know. It's a long time ago and in the first year I missed her a lot, but now 7 years I just regret that I was such an ass. Luckily you came and changed me" _Tony laughed a bit of his joke and so did Ziva.

Ziva went afterwards to the kitchen. It was huge for at apartment this size, she noticed how empty and unused it was.

"_I do not understand why you Americans have to have these huge kitchens? I love to cook but I do not need so much space... What is it they say in Europe; everything in the US is big for no reason, yes?" _

"_I guess so...But the reason why we have these tremendous kitchens is because all of us are getting fatter and fatter so we are just looking into the future. We are the smarts one because we don't have as high expectations about ourselves as the European have... Well Ziva speaking of getting fat, do you want something to drink"?_

"Just some water, please."

"_Water? On a New Years Eve?"_ The mood between them was relaxed and flirtatious so he couldn't dare himself. _"Nooo you are pregnant!?"_ The question was rhetorically but he was a bit taken back when she answered:

"_Yes Tony I am pregnant..."_ She had thought he would figure out that it was just a joke, but when she looked him in the eyes she saw he was scared... _"And you are the father" _she said, sent a teasing smile and laughed a bit. What she then found in his eyes was relieve and something she could not define, something good though.

"_Haha you are good little Miss I'm funny Daveeed. But I'm pretty sure I would have known if you and I have had sex... Because we have never had sex!"_

"_No Tony we have not". _Ziva took the 8 steps until she was few inches from Tony who was pouring water in the glasses. She gave him an elevator look and locked his eyes with hers. _"As I recall we have been close two times but that is many years ago. First time was when we were undercover and we had to pretend to have sex, you were so horny I almost thought you would explode."_ Tony had to swallow because wasn't it starting to get hot in here..? It wasn't getting any better when she looked down at his crotch and then up again, she continued now with her voice very sexy.

"_The second time was when Gibbs was in Mexico. We had spent a lot of time together, remember? And then one evening we had made out and as I memorize it we were both half naked. Then your phone rang because we had a case... What do you think would have happened if we had not been interrupted?_

Ziva laughed and tapped Tony on his left cheek, _"Are you coming with these glasses or what?"_ Ziva said as she turned around to go back to the living room.

Tony was speechless a couple of second before he, with the glasses, followed her. She was sitting in the right side of his black leather couch, looking out of the window. It had begun to snow a lot.

He placed the glasses on the coffee table and then sat down in the left side, looking at Ziva and admiring how beautiful she was. Ziva turned so she was pointed at Tony instead, her feet on the couch few inches from him and she was smiling but had a determined look in her eyes.

"_Look Tony I have done some thinking... When we were at that restaurant you told me to just knock on your door if I need someone to talk to and that I do not understand since you never ask any one home...? How come that none of us have been here Tony?"_

Tony was focusing on her feet when he thought about what to say. When he was ready to answer he looked up meeting her eyes which were fill with deeply caring and no judging. It was almost touching because no one in his entire life had been there for him like this.

"_Just to be clear I meant that, you are always welcome Ziva... And the reason why none of you guys and generally all my friends never have been here is because I'm afraid of getting hurt again. All the time I let someone in, like really in and see all of my private stuff, they end up hurting me... So I have just figured out that it's easier to keep a distance."_ There were few seconds of silence before he added looking back at her feet. _"Well Gibbs has been here one time when I just moved in but that doesn't count."_

"_Tony look at me... I am so thankful for you letting me in, it really means a lot to me and I am not going to hurt you, trust me. I know any one can say that but take it from someone who is afraid of letting people in too... When you think about it, we have been partners for 7 years and it is now, after the elevator we have opened up for each other like this and that is actually a very long time..." _

"_Yeah it's a very long time but what can I say; it took you some time to fall for the DiNozzo-charm. Well done my ninja, you are one heck of a... ouch! Why did you kick me!?" _

They both laughed and enjoyed the friendly atmosphere when it turned seriously again because Ziva felt she finally was ready to tell Tony everything he wanted to hear about her past. On the other side she had to tell him because the past had started to hunt her.

**Bye and thanks for reading! Review bitte/please :)**


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